Do you feel like nobody understands you?
Here are 5 things I understood from understanding myself better
In first grade, I learned that food, clothing, and shelter are our basic needs.
It was very recently that a need that I took for granted came up in a conversation about addiction: The need to feel understood. It hit me like a brick thrown at my face. All those years of being a pothead summed up by one sentence; My addiction made me feel understood.
Over the last 2 years, I spent a lot of time working through several addictions, and here are the learnings that stood out for me.
Nobody will understand you 100%
Even as I write this, I have a part of me worrying about how this would be misunderstood somehow. I have no control over this and worrying about it is a pointless waste of time. That’s the beauty of expression. It will never be interpreted the way you intended.
Elon Musk is buying Twitter.
In the last few days, I have read a wide range of opinions: “He’s having a mid-life crisis”, “He wants to empower tyrants”, “He wants to ban that kid who’s tracking his private jet”, etc.
Even the richest man on the planet (earth for now) does not have the privilege of being universally understood.
You have to understand yourself
We live in a society that is often controlled by fear, shame, and punishment. When we are subjected to prolonged programming that some parts of us are unacceptable, we start repressing these parts and these repressed parts of our personality are the most misunderstood. These repressed “less desirable” parts of our psyche form the shadow
The stronger the repression, the stronger the shadow.
Working towards healing and integrating this shadow is an extremely important step for personal growth and for understanding ourselves better. While I would highly recommend a skilled therapist for this study of self, you can start small.
Each day whenever possible, take a moment to pause in your tracks and observe what you are doing. Become aware of the present moment. Answer these questions:
Where are you?
What are you doing?
Why are you doing it?
How do you feel?
Even if you do this once a day you are already incorporating a way to become more conscious. With greater consciousness comes greater understanding.
A disagreement = 2 misunderstood people
Full disclosure: I have often loved arguing and trying to convince the other person that I am right and they are wrong. It is great for the ego and gives that juicy false sense of victory, right?
And yet we often feel like crap and mentally drained after an argument. If you feel restless that this person doesn’t understand you at all, they are probably having a similar experience.
At either end of a disagreement is a person who feels misunderstood.
This is one of my favorite Ted talks. Daryl Davis is a man who took the effort to understand something as egregious as the KKK by attending clan rallies.
You don’t have to put yourself in such intense situations. Just be open to dialogue with someone you strongly disagree with.
The Role of Community
This is cliché but I cannot emphasize this enough. When I got sober, I did not have the comfort of a known ally to turn to when I felt depressed, disoriented, and misunderstood.
What helped me get through a difficult phase was community. A place where you can comfortably be yourself. I have been in roughly 10 communities since I got sober in 2020 and each of them helped a different facet of my personality grow.
Reconnecting with your inner self
Another key factor in understanding myself better has been sharing my work. Julia Cameron often says that as humans we are inherently creative. And creating gives us a channel of self-expression.
Write your thoughts. Keep a dream journal. Paint your anger. You would be surprised at how much you can learn about your Self through creativity.
From my personal journey, I learned that when I started expressing myself through writing, painting, or comedy, I started noticing themes from my misunderstood parts come up on the page or the canvas, or the stage.
This process of working on yourself is a lifelong journey. It’s a messy, imperfect road but the payoff is incredible. Remember to be kind to yourself cause you’re about to open Pandora’s box.
Hey, made an account to comment how you're shining a light on many paths!